He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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