sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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