I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
