I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize