12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
