Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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