maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
