He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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