"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
