I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
