I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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