ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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