so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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