I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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