i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
