K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
