She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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