I wanna bring you to show and tell
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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