Screwed.edu
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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