dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
