It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
