We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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