Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize