She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
