Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
