when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
