Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
