If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
