DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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