Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
