Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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