paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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