she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
