u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
