Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
