i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We have started to decorate penises.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
not ubering you a puppy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
