i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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