She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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