It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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