Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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