Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
