i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
