if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
