We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize