I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
