i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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