just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
