Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
