My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
