But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
