Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
