Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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