i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
