Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
