You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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