the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
