I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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