I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize