I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
