So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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