hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
