Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
