I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
