Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
