I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they need to just BURY HIM!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
