After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
