This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm at about main and main street
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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