you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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