She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
