He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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