I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
