have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
