Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
