every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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