Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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