That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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