Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
