Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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