My room smells like vodka and shame
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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