either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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