I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
