dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
