New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize