omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
