I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
