I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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