Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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