The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I will die if light touches me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
