He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
