I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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