Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
