I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
