The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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