Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize