just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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