Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
