I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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