Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
