I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
