I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
