he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
