this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
