I'm so fucking centered right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
