chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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