I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
