i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
