Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
